Yes, He's That Kid!

Years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I saw visions of football and baseball games in my head. I could see this sweet little boy in my head in his overalls and a puppy nipping at his heels. I then found out it was a girl and little Joseph Steele AKA Josie became Toni Alexis. With the second child we opted not to find out, but it was always in my mind that little Destin Jeffrey was in there. It turned out I was wrong again and we held onto that boy name for four more pregnancies. My ex-husband decided then to have a vasectomy and my vision of my sweet little boy vanished.

Skip ahead seven years and I was now thirty three. During those several years my marriage ended and we all moved on. In February of 2012, I started dating my now husband. We talked about having kids and we started down the path of trying for baby. It didn't take long. I couldn't believe it. We went in for our eighteen week appointment with a name in hand, Avianna Gabrielle. When the ultrasound tech moved the control over the sex, I saw it immediately. He was 100% ALL BOY. I cried. My husband was so happy, but he already had three boys, so he was actually rooting for a girl. I immediately fell into puppies, overalls, John Deer hats, and cowboy boot mode. I could just see him playing baseball and hitting those home runs. It was perfect. And then....

When Garriant (We call him Dubba.) was two and a half, we had another baby. Another boy. I could see Garriant changing, but I assumed it was jealousy because of the new baby. It got worse and the tantrums became fits and the running started. He would run away outside every time the door was unlocked. We have had to chase him throughout the neighborhood more times than I can count. He has jumped in the ditch full of water with his school clothes on first thing in the morning. I have had to drive the car around the neighborhood looking for him in the rain because he slipped out before anyone saw him. One night he chased my car after I left the house to pick up take out and my husband had to run after him all the way up to the main road with cars having to stop to keep from hitting him as he chased after my long gone car. After that, I had my husband install slide locks at the top of every door. It has been insane trying to keep him from just running away.

This past spring my dream of watching my little boy in his baseball uniform came true. He was so excited when we went to get his cleats and gloves that I chased him through Academy Sports down three aisles. The first practice came and he was so excited I had to make him stop climbing the fence most of practice. He was so excited he ran around not listening to the coach, or my husband, or me, and I could see the parents staring with glares as he was like a feral jungle child all over the place. Finally, he was able to throw the ball and he threw it so hard he actually hit an old man that was there helping out. I apologized and so did Dubba, but it was too late. He tried to throw the ball to another kid, but missed and almost hit another boy. That was the moment the parents that were with that boy, literally walked off the field over to the other team that was practicing and had the coaches switch their son to that team. I found myself scolding him all the way home. He apologized over and over, but I was hurt. I had this dream and now he was labeled. He was "That Kid".

You know which kid I'm talking about. The one we have all seen at the playground throwing rocks or pushing someone down and inside we think to ourselves, "If I was his Mama, I'd beat the mess out of him." Well folks, I'm his mama and it doesn't work. We've tried it all. We've done time out, we've  taken away toys, we've spanked and none of it works. I told my husband we were never spanking again because it just seemed to make matters worse. The games were no better. He threw the sand and he shoved kids and we forced our way through every game. I felt those stares on me and I found something had changed in me. I became the primal mom who wanted to protect my cub. I could see it wasn't his fault, why couldn't they. He is a sweet boy. He hugs everybody. It doesn't matter who it is, but they didn't care if he hugged, all they cared about was his wild child mentality.

We had a scare a few weeks later when he ran away from his older sister at the beach while I was helping my daughter's friend set up for her wedding. Twenty long minutes went by on a crowded beach with us frantically running up and down looking for him. He was found with his other sister down by the water. She told me he told her I said he could go to the water with her. I was livid at her for not checking with me first.

 A couple more weeks went by and I was getting him ready for school. He was dressed and sitting in front of the TV while I was changing his little brother's diaper. I came back into the living room and the front door was wide open. He wasn't gone probably two minutes, but it was long enough. I started yelling for the other kids to help me look. We went around the block twice. It had rained all night and the creek that runs behind the neighbor's house was rising and moving very fast. I panicked. After ten minutes of all of us looking, I called 911. I broke down on the phone and had to gather myself to get the information to her. Within minutes the Sherriff cars came and fire and rescue. They all started the search. Forty five minutes went by and they hadn't found him. It was the longest forty five minutes of my entire life. Finally, my daughter Merlyn walked around the block one last time and saw his shoes at the bottom of the neighbor's steps. She ran and knocked on the door and the neighbor came to the door yawning. She told Merlyn she had just gotten up but would check and see if one of her little boys had seen him. Sure enough the six year old had let him in, unbeknownst to his mom and they were playing Beyblades in his bedroom. My husband had come home from work and the news station miraculously showed up just as we were all reunited. So now the whole area knows he's "That Kid".

He has been in pre-school since he was one and they say they have never had a problem with him. I thought it must be me. I've done something wrong as a parent, but two weeks ago he started pre-k at what he calls the Big Boy School. The first week I thought we had it made. I got no notes and no phone calls. I should have known it was too good to be true. Tuesday came the first call. Wednesday the second. He was running off during recess, running down the halls, and jumping onto the table in the cafeteria. So now he's "That Kid" at the elementary school. Thursday I tried something different.

 I started selling Kannaway back in May because his sister that has ADD and Dyslexia was on medication and I hated the way it made her. She had no appetite, she was moody, and she couldn't concentrate after it wore off. I had heard good things about the Kannaway which is a CBD oil derived from cannabis. It is 100% legal in all fifty states of the USA. I gave her the Kannaway and it was like someone flipped a switch. I started her out on the capsules, but have since switched to the 1000mg oil and I only give her a 25mg dose. It works great for her attention issues so I thought to myself it might work for him. Thursday I gave him a 25mg dose. The teacher said he was about the same. Friday I gave him 35mg. Once again he was still running away at recess. This morning I bumped him to a 50 mg dose and low and behold he didn't run. He listened to the teacher and all afternoon its like he is the little boy I saw in those visions so may years ago. I had a meeting with the school at lunch and the teacher informed me that he actually sat during story time. I will try again tomorrow and see how it goes. As far as him being "That Kid", I'm ok with him being the child everyone will always remember and know his name, because one day they will look back and think what an amazing little boy he was. He always had a hug and a smile and gosh was he fast.

The next time you see "That Kid" at the park or ball field, stop and offer to give his mom or dad a hand. Trust me when I say sometimes "Those Kids" just have more energy than mom and dad have combined.

Feed Me Seymore!!!

Today I am going to let you in on my little secret of how to raise 6 kids on a very, very tight budget. When I say tight I am not meaning you middle class people who make $50-$60,000 a year and have two kids and you just can't imagine how people make it with less than $300 a week in groceries. I mean one parent unemployed and one parent going to school full time. The full time parent draws BAH from his GI Bill plus $640 disability from the VA. I mean literally living on $1700 a month. There is no assistance for some people and those people are the ones that figure out real quick how to survive. I will say if you are a health nut, hang this up. Unless you grow it yourself, your not going to find anything in this post about organic. True, it is better for a person, but this is a survival post for everyone who just needs to get by for a while. Here it is. Are you ready for it??? I have two words for you......


Dollar Tree.

Yep, That's It. Total this up for me. Remember everything is $1 there.

• 1 large can of diced tomatoes
• 2 cans of chili
• 1 jar of salsa
• 2 boxes of saltines
• 1 large pack of spaghetti
• 3 large cans of spaghetti sauce
• 2 packs of hamburger buns
• 2 packs of chicken patties
• 2 jars of peanut butter
• 1 jar of jelly
• 4 loaves of bread
• 1 jar of mayo
• 1 jar of dill pickles or relish
• 3 cans of tuna
• 1 pack of tortillas(sometimes I buy 2)
• 2 packs of mozzarella cheese
• 1 pack of pepperoni
• 1 box butter or margarine
• 1 box of Fiddle Faddle (My secret indulgence)
• 3 boxes mashed potatoes with brown gravy mix
• 3 cans of roast beef and gravy
• 1 can of green peas
• 2 cans of carrots
• 2 boxes of ice cream or popsicles
• 2 boxes of instant oatmeal
• 1 bag of rice
• 1 bag of sugar
• 2 cans of peaches
• 2 -6 packs of ramen noodles
• 1 can cranberry sauce
• 2 cans of chicken
• 1 tub of cream cheese
• 2 bottles of shampoo
• 2 bottles of conditioner
• 1 tube of toothpaste

Total: $59 a week without coupons

If you are a couponer it can be cheaper than that now that Dollar Tree takes coupons.

Now for the recipes:

Breakfast Rice

1 bag of white or brown rice (Cook in a crock pot)
Mix in 1 c. sugar and 1 can of peaches with syrup
you can add cinnamon if you like. Don't have any? They have that at Dollar Tree as well.


Chili

2 cans of chili
1 can of salsa
1 big can of diced tomatoes.
Heat on stove until hot. Serve with saltines or unseasoned cooked ramen noodles.

Spaghetti

1 Large pack of Spaghetti noodles
2 cans of sauce

Chicken Patty Sandwich

2 packs of buns
2 backs of breaded chicken patties
Self explanatory

Mini Pizzas The Kids LOVE to make these!!!!!
\
1 can of spaghetti sauce
8 tortillas
shredded mozzarella
pepperoni
Layer and bake in over at 350 degrees for 8-9 minutes.



THE BEST CHICKEN SALAD EVER

This one you will have to splurge on somewhere...

1 onion diced(Preferably red)
2 cans of chicken
1 tub cream cheese
2 tbsp.- cranberry sauce
Mix chicken, onion, cream cheese and cranberry sauce together, eat on bread.


Roast Beef Dinner

2 cans of roast beef and gravy
3 boxes mashed potatoes and brown gravy mix
1 can of peas
2 cans of carrots

Mix potatoes as package directs. Mix up gravy mix as package directs. When you are finished with gravy mix in the cans of roast beef in the gravy. Mix peas and carrots together and BAM, you have roast beef with gravy, mashed potatoes, with peas and carrots!!!

Tuna Salad

2 cans of tuna
Pickles or relish
 2 tbsp. Mayo

Mix up and serve on crackers or as a sandwich


There you have it folks! Most of the time there are even leftovers for someone the next day. It is possible to go even cheaper than that, but I tried to give a variety of meal ideas for you to use. I hope you enjoy the recipes.

The Silence

Silently Insane.....That's what my mother said to me once when the kids were running through the house screaming and I sat there like it didn't even phase me. I suspect pharmaceutical companies are just like kids at the end of the school year; jumping up and down yelling,"Whoo Hoo! School is out! Sales are going up!" There is not a doubt in my mind that anxiety medication use probably quadruples by August of every year. I just go to my happy place and ignore the chaos for two months then clean up the aftermath when it's over. This week I have had nine children in my home. Only two were under the age of 11. That means I have dealt with enough teenage drama to last a lifetime. In one week I have been through a break-up, a get together (or two), two girlfriends falling out and making up, two sisters fighting a brutal battle over a pair of shorts, catching two teenagers making out, a sprained knee, two girls on their periods at the same time, a yellow jacket attack (two stings), an escaped rabbit, a misplaced phone, a baby boy dressed in pink, One neighborhood kid who has a Pica problem and likes to eat my laundry detergent, a 2nd degree sunburn, 2 UTI's (One was mine on top of everything.), 7 am, "Mama, I'm hungry", a diaper rash, the loss of the only tube of toothpaste, 2 kids that don't like tomatoes, when I had a 5 gallon bucket of tomatoes that needed to be eaten before they spoiled,  24 rolls of toilet paper, the disappearance of 7 Mike's Hard Lemonades out of my fridge (No question in who took them.), pen marks on my BRAND NEW sofa, a broken Scentsy warmer, not to mention the constant nailing and sawing on the sheet rock that is getting fixed due to a flood that occurred back in February....Whew! Yes, I might be a little silent at times. During those moments I am in a Adirondack chair, lounging on the beach, and sipping a margarita. It is my protest to the pharmaceutical companies. Na Na Na Boo Boo, I win! You aren't getting my money, because it has to be spent on the five sets of uniforms before school starts back next month along with six sets of school supplies. Yes, even Dubbs, the one year old contributes to the silence.  So while I write this, Ariana Grande blares through the house as kids are actually cleaning up their mess from last night. (One has a boyfriend coming over.) It's LOUD in here, but I'm quietly writing in my peaceful bliss of silent insanity.

The Nerd Herd

I admit it. I am a nerd to the very core of my soul as well as my husband and a couple of my kids. I love to read and we all are serious about Doctor Who, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, and Supernatural. My fifteen year old falls into the black sheep category. In your household I would be willing to bet your idea of that is  different from mine.

Before Christmas this year, I went shopping for the kids at the mall. I walked into Hot Topic and immediately found a complete wardrobe for my seventeen year old. Within five minutes I had picked out t-shirts for all of my step sons and my twelve year old daughter. Then I realized my fifteen year old daughter Merlyn had been left out of the teenage mix. I looked frantically everywhere in the store for something. Nothing fit her taste. The sales associate came up to me and this was the conversation that followed:

Associate:  Can I help you find something?
Me: Well, you see I have a black sheep in the family. I don't really know what to get her in here.
Associate: Well you came to the right place.
Me: Actually I'm thinking I better go over to Hollister.

You could have knocked her over with a feather.

Me: You see, in my family she is the black sheep because she's kinda preppy.

The girl laughed and took me over to a section that had Disney t-shirts. I smiled and picked out Merlyn a cute Aerial t-shirt that will go great with her designer leggings. I paid for my items and left the store.

On Christmas as everyone opened up their Hot Topic goodies, I could see the horrification building as Merlyn saw the tags. When she opened her box, she let out a deep breath and smiled.

Merlyn: You had me worried for a minute.
Me: What? You didn't want a Fourth Doctor scarf like I got Toni?
Merlyn: Not funny.

Later that day as we were all relaxing I walked into the living room and the girls were arguing over the TV.

Liberty: I want to watch McKenna.
Merlyn: You have watched it twice today already! I am NOT watching that again.
Me: What are you trying to watch?
Merlyn: Star Wars!

Oh what a chronicle. It appears that even though some kids have a protective shell to the outside world that makes them appear like they are one thing. Some of them are truly closet nerds. I laughed at the situation as I popped in Star Wars: Episode 3 and enjoyed watching the demise of Anakin Skywalker with my nerd herd.

Arwen's Review of Landrum's Country Store

My daughter Arwen went on her class field trip today at Landrum’s Country Store. They have a farm and a petting zoo. I wasn’t able to attend the trip with her so I decided I would ask her about it when she got home.  This is how the conversation went:

Me: How was your field trip today?

Arwen: Look at what I got from the field trip (while holding up a feather hair clip).

Me: Where did you get that?

Arwen: Aubrey’s mom bought them for the whole class. They were twenty five cents and she bought all of the class one.

Me: Wow, that’s cool.

Arwen: We saw a peacock and it spread its wings wide and we saw a big fat pig.

Me: What else did you see?

Arwen: I don’t remember.

Me: You don’t remember?

Arwen: Uh…we got on a ride.

Me: What kind of ride?

Arwen: A little tractor ride.

Me: Would you go back?

Arwen: Go back where?

Me: Go back to the farm?!

Arwen: Well, yea….I’m hungry.

The moral to this chronicle is some kids just don’t care about farms or the excitement of the trip. Arwen is one of those kids that live in the moment. If it isn’t happening at that second, she doesn’t give a flying flip. I’m sure someday she will come up to me and say, “What was the name of that place that Aubrey’s mom bought the class feathers?” and I will say, “Landrum’s Country Store,” and she will say, “Oh yea, I liked that place,” and smile.

 As parents sometimes we have to remember the things we take in through the eyes of our children aren’t as exciting to them as it is to us. We all get in an uproar when they take their first steps, poop in the potty the first time, and tie their shoes themselves for once. Some of us go to the extreme and document every time our child passes gas. These parents are the ones that have to have pictures of everything their child does for a scrapbook that weighs fifty pounds that they plan to give their son or daughter on their graduation or wedding day. My advice to those parents is whoa there Nelly. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but they don’t care, just like Arwen doesn’t now. I promise you they will not appreciate the eighteen to twenty five years of documenting their every move as you think they will. Save yourself some trouble and stick to the major moments; the chronicle moments that you learn from and enjoy.  Stop trying to get the perfect picture and take it like it is. Stop wasting time lining them up for a smiling picture when their crying and not wanting to do it. Stop getting angry when they don’t cooperate because they are messing up your picture, your memory. The key word there is YOUR. Once again, if they don’t care now odds are fifteen years from now they aren’t going to care then.  Today Arwen went without me on her trip and she was just fine. Had I went with her, yes I’m sure I would take a couple of pictures of her that will either never come off my phone or go in a scrapbook somewhere to never been seen again. It wouldn’t have mattered to take it because fifteen years from now I’m willing to bet that she’s still more worried about her snack.

These Are The Days

           There is nothing like waking up in the morning listening to the waves roll up on the shore with the smell of the salty air surrounding you. As you slowly open your eyes, a cool breeze blows through your open windows and the subtle call of gulls are heard   as they scramble after the sand crabs that scurry along the shore.  One more deep breath and you begin to slowly move your body from your bed and then it happens……..the alarm clock goes off, scares the baby lying next to you who immediately begins to wale. It seems to be the catalyst for how the rest of your morning goes. One child screams that you’re brushing their hair too hard as two teenage girls fight over the shower. Finally the bus arrives and the baby girl is still scrambling for her shoes when you shove her out the door with one shoe on and one in her hand as she runs toward the bus griping about how she’s tired of oranges for her snack. You barely have time to breath when you turn around and your eldest daughter hands you your grandson so that she can go pump a bottle for him. Meanwhile, your baby is cutting teeth as loudly as he can on the cold washcloth you gave him to chew on, since he despises pacifiers and teething rings.        

                Alas, the joys of parenting and grand-parenting.  Days like that are when you’re wishing for Calgon to take you away. Those are the chronicles you want to sweep under the rug. There is really only one thing you can do on days like that. You just keep breathing. Soon the babies will take a nap and you can clean up the mess that blew through town before the other kids left for school or you can sit down and watch the mess not clean itself. I know this because I have done it time and time again. Sometimes I have quoted the songs of Meatloaf. “Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back”   other times it is simply the most joyful moments that make it all worthwhile and that is when I’m reminded that the Calgon days are all worth it. Yesterday was one of those days. My husband and I went to check the blackberry patches in the woods behind our neighborhood. Unfortunately they are still green.  Liberty had been out of school sick with a sore throat. We met her as we came up the path. After my husband Sjhon gave her a good scolding for being out of the house and we walked halfway home, she coughed and grabbed her throat.

                Me: See I told you being outside when you’re sick makes it worse.

                Liberty: My throat hurts.

                Me: Maybe you need some soup.

                Liberty: Feel my throat. I think my anal glands are swollen.

                Me:  Liberty, you don’t have anal gland’s you’re not a dog. Do you mean your lymph nodes?

                Liberty: Whatever.

               

                Today on the other hand was one of those Calgon moments and all day I have found myself thinking about Libby’s non- existent anal glands and I smile. That is the key to it right there. When people comment on how they would go nuts with six kids, I just smile and say it can be crazy sometimes. All I know is if Liberty comes home today complaining about her throat, I will call the vet and make her an appointment.

Where To Begin.......

I have to say that it is nearly impossible to go through life raising perfect children. Scratch that. It IS impossible. When our children are born, as parents we picture them saying yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am, please, thank you, and you're welcome. We picture them helping the teacher out in class and knowing all of the answers. We see them in our minds as perfect little babies that grow up with manners to become successful individuals that travel the world and do the things that we as parents never got the chance to do. We picture those cute little babies laughing and gigging and knowing the answer to quantum physics questions by age five because let's face it, they're perfect.

Something happens however that we do not expect. Somewhere between their first twenty four hours of life and adulthood the world continues to spin and not bow at their arrival. Kings do not hault at their presence and the soundtrack to The Lion King isn't played when you introduce them to people the first time as it did for Simba. Within a few days to weeks you begin to realize your perfect baby may not be so perfect when he or she chooses not to sleep all night or have a cold. By age two, you as a parent are probably thinking you might have to take them to a child psychologist because something must be seriously wrong with them when they lie down in the middle of the store and kick and scream to the point you are sure security will be called, all because you, the terrible horrible parent, won't give in to the child who insists on wanting the five dollar box of cereal just because it has a picture of a dog. A dog that takes five UPC codes to get and isn't even in the box.....

You are not alone. We have all been there. Consider this your wake up call. Those little sweet babies all turn out the same. They are all one thing. Human. They are not perfect. My grandmother used to tell me that when children are little they step on your toes and when they are older they step on your hearts. Oh boy was she ever right. Imagine having three kids in a gifted class and one that was held back in kindergarten because she couldn't read. Later you find out she has a learning disability and you wonder as a parent what you did wrong. The answer is simple. Nothing. It's just the way things are sometimes. Imagine being the parent of a sixteen year old who was always an honor roll student, a member of the Air Force JROTC, and trusts you completely to the point of responsibly asking for birth control, just to find out she can't take pills because of the hormones. She maturely asks for condoms. As a parent you are proud of her for trying so hard to be responsible. Unfortunately one breaks and you find yourself taking her to her first OB appointment and you become a grandmother at thirty three. It did not mean you were a bad parent. You can only lead a horse to drink and sometimes the horse has to poop and crap happens. It's life.

Then there are the moments that are priceless. The moments you wouldn't take anything for.

Me: Can anybody tell me who’s on the two dollar bill?

Serenity (Age10): Andrew Jackson

Me: No that would be a twenty. I’ll give you a hint. He was a white man with a black kid.

Liberty (age8): Michael Jackson?

Me: I don’t even know what to say to that.

Those moments are the ones that make it all worthwhile.  That same disappointment you felt when that sixteen year old told you she was pregnant goes clear out the window when you hold that grandson for the first time and say to him, "You're the best Chronicle yet."