Reflected Chronicles

Sometimes there are times that a person has to reflect back on the chronicles of life that made them who they are so that they can continue to grow as a person. Every individual a person comes into contact with in their life has an impact whether the person realizes it or not. No one has impacted my life more than my own children. I have learned more from being a parent than I ever would have, had I not had children. These are the chronicles that taught me the most crucial of life's lessons...

Patience is NOT a virtue, it's a necessity.

Nothing will test your patience more than a three year old having a meltdown in the store over something so trivial as a box of band-aids. Who cares if it doesn't have pink princess ponies on them as long as it fixes a boo boo, right? Tell that to the three year old that is now sobbing while simultaneously wailing at the top of their lungs about how they hate you over a $4.00 box of band-aids. Don't try to touch them! They immediately start screaming ,"Let me go!" Your frustration has reached a climax and you find yourself looking nervously around at the people staring at you  as if your actually trying to kidnap this unruly child. Your next thought is, "I'm about to go to jail for child abuse." A first time parent will be in tears all the way out the front door. A seasoned parent like myself however, will literally lie down in the floor on aisle 6 with the kid and kick and scream with them. They don't care who looks. They immediately throw the kid in the buggy and finish the rest of the shopping with a pouty faced kid that's wondering if mommy has gone bonkers.

Then there are the ones that are STILL teaching me patience. When my son Garriant was diagnosed earlier this year with ADHD and ODD, I realized there would be some adjustments. We're not talking about temper tantrums, we're talking full sized meltdowns that have a tendency to be violent. I decided to take him and my grand-daughter Paisley to pre-school story time at the local library. I went over the rules a million times before we got there. He even pinkie promised he would mind me. Somewhere in the back of my seasoned parenting brain, I knew better. We barely made it through page three of the first book when he started going up and down on the stairs in the little amphitheater. I grabbed him and tried to quietly correct him. That's when all hell broke loose.

I had to chase him down as he screamed for me to let him go, with every parent in the place looking at me. I was holding Paisley in one arm and Garriant was kicking me and screaming. I decided since there was already a scene to just be done with it. I literally dragged him out of the library. He lay on the floor as I pulled him through the entire building. An elderly woman came to my rescue just as I reached the door and offered to walk Paisley to the car with me. I gladly handed the grandbaby off and scooped up Garriant off of the floor. He thrashed all the way to the car. There was no consoling him. No time out. When I got them both buckled in, I thanked her and she let me know that she was glad to help. She was patient when I wasn't. I cried on the way home. I didn't know if I could handle this ODD thing after all. Then something happened...

When we got home, Garriant lay his head in my lap and cried. He told me he was sorry over and over. My heart broke for him as I realized he wanted to do right, but his little mind just wouldn't let him. I knew then that patience is a necessity and instead of putting him in situations that might cause a meltdown, I needed to learn what might set him off and be patient with him until he figured it out. That leads me to number two...

Trust your parenting instinct.

If I had just listened to the voice inside of my brain telling me that it wasn't my best idea to take both of them to the library by myself that day, it would have saved a lot of embarrassment on both of our parts.  I knew there was about a 90% chance he was going to be overstimulated. If I hadn't had Paisley, I could have put him in my lap from the beginning. I should have just waited until another day. Sometimes us parents have to push down our egos that we have it handled, when deep down we know we don't.

If a person can use the same instinct that lets them know when their kid is sick or faking to know how to avoid a situation before it starts, we would all eliminate a lot of our day to day stress. With that, here is number three...

Labels are society's way of making the unexplained, explainable.

ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, Bi-polar... When it comes down to it, the diagnosis factor is real. People want explanations for why their kid doesn't act like everyone else. Why do we as parents get embarrassed over things? Why do we care what people think? Because  society teaches us that if a person doesn't act like anyone else, something is wrong with them. They are immediately slapped with a label and ostracized. I'm not saying the disorders aren't real. They are very real. They are different from everyone else. Their brains think differently. I know this as I am ADD and have been my entire life. I don't think like other people. It effected my self-esteem as a child as I thought I was broken. Back then there was no diagnosis, just lots of paddlings and teacher conferences.

Having two children with ADHD has made me realize once the label is on, society treats them differently. So I implemented letting my kids know that they are different and it's a good thing. If everyone thought the same way, the world would always stay the same and that being outside of the box is a wonderful place to be. It's ok to learn differently, to think differently, and to implement change.

It is difficult at times. Both of them had to be medicated for school and I hated doing it. I eventually switched my twelve year old to CBD oil and it has been a miracle. She has not been on pharmaceutical meds in months. It helps her concentrate, but not be moody.

My son on the other hand has been withdrawn from public school pre-k and we are now homeschooling him. We are looking into it for my twelve year old for next year and the one year old eventually. That leads me to number four...

Education means education and there are many forms...

My oldest daughter is now twenty-one. She was in the gifted program in school and I pushed and pushed for her education. I could see Yale and Harvard in her future. She went to the local college for one year and then dropped. She just wanted to be a stay at home mom and wife. It's what makes her happy. My nineteen year old went through most of twelfth grade, then took the Hi-Set test. She is currently in college. My sixteen year old is happy with school the way it is, but my fourteen year old has a modified schedule because she has so many hours of gymnastics. She literally has to go to school year round so that she can graduate on time. She goes to public school half the day and starting next semester will be taking part of her classes online. That leads me to the twelve year old .

With her dyslexia and ADD, I kept her in school where she could get the help she needed. She is caught up and doing well. I am thankful for the help they gave her, but she has had some bullying trouble and she's no longer happy at school. I realized after looking at curriculums for her grade level that she could benefit from being homeschooled, so after this year, we are making the leap.

I've realized that people learn differently and because of that, there are different forms of education. Education has to be individualized for the best impact. I know plenty of kids that have a 4.0 GPA in college and still can't balance a checkbook. Education is what a person learns in all aspects of life, not just in a textbook.

I am still learning as a parent and growing as an individual. My kids have taught me so much about what I thought I knew. The older I get, the clearer I see how the world really is and it 100% because of my children. As a parent, a person wants what is best for their children. When they realize the best for one child may not be best for the other, they change parenting tactics. It's the only way to give them what they need to thrive. I want my children to be happy. That is my end goal. I want them to have whatever it is in their lives that brings true happiness to them. My job is to teach them what they need to become an adult and their job is to teach me what it's like to be a child.