Where To Begin.......

I have to say that it is nearly impossible to go through life raising perfect children. Scratch that. It IS impossible. When our children are born, as parents we picture them saying yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am, please, thank you, and you're welcome. We picture them helping the teacher out in class and knowing all of the answers. We see them in our minds as perfect little babies that grow up with manners to become successful individuals that travel the world and do the things that we as parents never got the chance to do. We picture those cute little babies laughing and gigging and knowing the answer to quantum physics questions by age five because let's face it, they're perfect.

Something happens however that we do not expect. Somewhere between their first twenty four hours of life and adulthood the world continues to spin and not bow at their arrival. Kings do not hault at their presence and the soundtrack to The Lion King isn't played when you introduce them to people the first time as it did for Simba. Within a few days to weeks you begin to realize your perfect baby may not be so perfect when he or she chooses not to sleep all night or have a cold. By age two, you as a parent are probably thinking you might have to take them to a child psychologist because something must be seriously wrong with them when they lie down in the middle of the store and kick and scream to the point you are sure security will be called, all because you, the terrible horrible parent, won't give in to the child who insists on wanting the five dollar box of cereal just because it has a picture of a dog. A dog that takes five UPC codes to get and isn't even in the box.....

You are not alone. We have all been there. Consider this your wake up call. Those little sweet babies all turn out the same. They are all one thing. Human. They are not perfect. My grandmother used to tell me that when children are little they step on your toes and when they are older they step on your hearts. Oh boy was she ever right. Imagine having three kids in a gifted class and one that was held back in kindergarten because she couldn't read. Later you find out she has a learning disability and you wonder as a parent what you did wrong. The answer is simple. Nothing. It's just the way things are sometimes. Imagine being the parent of a sixteen year old who was always an honor roll student, a member of the Air Force JROTC, and trusts you completely to the point of responsibly asking for birth control, just to find out she can't take pills because of the hormones. She maturely asks for condoms. As a parent you are proud of her for trying so hard to be responsible. Unfortunately one breaks and you find yourself taking her to her first OB appointment and you become a grandmother at thirty three. It did not mean you were a bad parent. You can only lead a horse to drink and sometimes the horse has to poop and crap happens. It's life.

Then there are the moments that are priceless. The moments you wouldn't take anything for.

Me: Can anybody tell me who’s on the two dollar bill?

Serenity (Age10): Andrew Jackson

Me: No that would be a twenty. I’ll give you a hint. He was a white man with a black kid.

Liberty (age8): Michael Jackson?

Me: I don’t even know what to say to that.

Those moments are the ones that make it all worthwhile.  That same disappointment you felt when that sixteen year old told you she was pregnant goes clear out the window when you hold that grandson for the first time and say to him, "You're the best Chronicle yet."

My Point Is......

 As a mother of six children, I have to say that everyone on the planet has an opinion of how to raise kids. Everyday someone is either giving me some kind of advice on what works to make sure that my children become proper upstanding citizens. I will go far enough to say that it has been said time and time again that it takes a village to raise a child. In my case apparently it takes a metropolis.

 The idea of The Hair Dye Chronicles came from my ex-husband who used to joke about someday writing a book about the exploits of me and my eldest daughter fighting constantly over dying her hair different colors on a monthly basis. It became a joke with us every time one of our children did something that made us laugh or shocked us to the point of disbelief. We would say to them, "You just made The Chronicles." Neither of us actually wrote any of it down, but there were several events that will always be permanently scarred into my brain as either the funniest moments in history or near death experiences. Finally, a few years ago I did start writing down a few and with it came a realization that I could actually tell people my experiences myself.

Now I'm not here to tell anyone how to raise their kids because it drives me nuts for people to do that to me. It's almost as bad as when I tell someone I have six kids and they ask, "Don't you know what causes that?"
(Yes, I am completely aware. Thank you for the gesture into my sexual life.) I am here to tell how I raise MY kids and how my own children have taught me what being a parent is about. I hope you will find some enjoyment from my everyday chaos. It is completely maddening at times and completely rewarding at others. This blog will have lots of quoted moments from my own children's mouth as well as some other people. I swear on all that's real in the world that everything you read is completely truthful, even if it sounds absurd..........